What Andrea Gibson’s Poem “Spider” Can Teach Us About Healing

There are parts of ourselves we wish we could get rid of: the anxious part, the part that overthinks everything, the perfectionist, the one that shuts down when things feel too overwhelming, the part that keeps us stuck in patterns we know aren't good for us.

We often treat these parts like problems to solve. We try to silence them, outthink them, or push them away. But what if we approached them differently? What if the parts of yourself you most want to get rid of are actually the parts most in need of your love and attention?

Andrea Gibson’s poem “Spider” offers a beautiful way of thinking about this. In the poem, pain takes the form of a spider. Instead of immediately trying to destroy it, Gibson approaches it with curiosity, creating space for a different relationship with pain. I love this image because it reminds me of something I see often in therapy: the parts of ourselves we judge most harshly are often the parts that need our attention the most.

What if the problem isn’t the part of you that’s struggling?

This is one of the things I love about Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS invites us to get curious about the different parts of ourselves rather than treating them as problems that need to be fixed or eliminated.

When you’re anxious, ashamed, overwhelmed, or stuck in the same relationship patterns, it’s so easy to turn against yourself. Why am I still doing this? Why haven’t I changed? Why can’t I just let this go? This can be especially frustrating if you’re someone who understands yourself well. Maybe you’ve spent years learning about attachment, understanding your childhood, or analyzing why you respond the way you do. You know your patterns, but you still find yourself repeating them.

IFS offers a different way of approaching that stuckness. Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this?”, we can begin asking, “What is this part of me trying to do for me?” That anxious part of you might be trying to keep you from getting hurt. The part that overworks might worry that if you slow down, everything will fall apart or you’ll become complacent. The part that criticizes you may think it can protect you from failure or rejection by being the first to point out your flaws.

Healing isn't about getting rid of the spider

We're often given the message that healing means becoming a version of ourselves who no longer feels anxious, insecure, angry, afraid, or overwhelmed.

But what if healing looks a little different? What if it means developing a new relationship with the parts of you that carry those feelings? When we stop fighting these parts and start listening to them, something can begin to shift. The part that has been working so hard to protect us may not need to work quite so hard anymore. And that's where deeper change begins.

We need the opportunity to slow down, turn toward what we're experiencing, and build a different relationship with the parts of ourselves that have been carrying so much. Maybe you don't need to get rid of the spider. Maybe you need to get curious about it. And once you do, parts can soften, become more open, and healing at the root becomes possible.

IFS Therapy in Los Angeles for Deeper Emotional Healing

If you've done a lot of work to understand yourself but still feel stuck in the same patterns, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can offer a different way forward. I provide online IFS therapy in Los Angeles and throughout California, specializing in trauma, attachment wounds, and burnout. I work with creatives and entrepreneurs who are ready to move beyond intellectual understanding and experience deeper emotional change.

Together, we'll get curious about the protective parts of you that may be keeping old patterns in place and create space for greater self-trust, connection, and lasting change.

If you're curious whether IFS therapy could be a good fit for you, I invite you to reach out for a 15-minute consultation.